April 4, 2017

im so tired, my tears cannot even come out

shitty appraisal, no commission, being ranted at, i’m at that stage where i’ve had enough. sitting at the mrt, suddenly recalling what my HR lecturer said – you’d know when to leave your job when you find yourself in the morning at the mirror with shaky hands as you apply your lipstick. how we giggled at that. but with the palpitations, i can totally see the logic behind this.

spoke to d today and felt comforted – i suppose she might be trying to make me feel better because she needs a favour as well – but i suppose there are truths behind what she said.

i dont tink ive been so unhappy in a long time.. im really trying to stay positive and think forward but its really getting harder and harder. I dont know how to cope, its even hard for me to think of what snacks to buy to cheer myself up. and i feel like i need to take atarax every night in order to sleep throgh the night.

all those phrases i keep telling others, the night is darkest before dawn, keep the faith, god will make a way, he wont give you something you couldnt bear. i have to say it over and over to remind myself of it.

may i have the resilience to see it through til day time once more.

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