February 9, 2017

i must be very spoilt by good clients, cos i seldom encounter presentations where i get more and more discouraged the more i present. its hard to keep the energy up when the other party just doesnt seem interested. or tells you stupid things like ‘tell them about our bbc article..’ or ‘just to summarise can you add one more slide to exactly document the output of the visit’. best is ‘that pricing is not possible’. isnt the discussion to figure out what is possible?

separately i think its very tough when both of us are in less than ideal situations or stages in life. isnt love supposed to be about mutual support, through the good and the bad? sadly i’m as selfish as it gets it seems because when i’m in that shitty a mood, i just find it extra hard to be supportive, encouraging and positive the way i normally would. i dont know how to find tht balance in a virtual, long distance sort of way. i dont how to find it in me to not be resentful of the distance when i’m in a crappy mood. i feel very alone, and left behind because you are not here when I need you. Its one of those unfair couple expectations, cos as a single you dont expect to be able to depend on anyone so you already know you gotta deal with it yourself. i just want to dwell in my own feelings. I want to be comforted. logically i get it but emotionally i just cannot get out. i thought i was doing quite fine, keeping busy and all that. but clearly, im quite a failure.

so how much more can i bear? how much more will i put up before i call it quits? wouldnt you like to know? i would.

 

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