November 14, 2016

why was i upset?

cos i was jealous. that he would want to spend time on my birthday going for someone elses. even if it were for networking.

cos i dont feel special. its not the networking, its the ‘going for her party’ that upset me. why should i spend my birthday wishing someone else happy birthday when i dont care about that person? and why should i need to share my bf when he has been away for such a long time?

cos i just dont want to interact with new people. i find it terribly tiring. i could, i do like to but just not today. i just kinda want to be me today.

special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries are, as their name suggests, special. special occasion = quality time together with people who matter. maybe its selfish but on my birthday i just want to feel special, by the special people in my life. i dont need fancy dinners, or expensive gifts. actually if i were to be honest, i just want his attention. to know that i matter enough he doesnt mind spending time, on me.

like the ipad he got. i nearly teared because, as with all his gifts, i think they are very well thought out, meaningful and useful. i still use the longchamp bag almost everyday because it goes with anything and fits everything. it tells me that he pays attention to my needs and spent time seeing how to meet them. and my heart warms in a way it seldom does when i know that i matter to him.



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