a white flower, they laid against the ground.

September 29, 2010

goodbyes are never easy. never.

so many types of goodbyes, but the hardest has to be the kind where there was something that could have been done but wasnt.

i say goodbye to you this morning, even if you might have left a little earlier than this.

i cant quite accept it yet, but who honestly can?

you  know i have never been one to deal very well with loss. i’m not that zai.

departures are inevitable, deaath will fall upon us someday. but ‘someday’ sounds so far away, so very abstract, until of course life decides u need to wake up and slaps you with this across the face, and top it up with a splashing of the coldest water ever.

actually, it wasnt really like that. i kinda expected it. i wasnt shocked, cos i was groggy from sleep. but in my moment of clarity, i still couldnt grasp wat it meant. til minutes later, when i started to visualise and picture things, then only did i start to feel the loss building brick by brick, layer by layer, upon me. and the tears started to fall.

it seems unfair, its like you exchanged some moments of life, for the happiness i’ve been basking in the last few days. the higher you are, the harder you fall huh?

you said u could go happily, knowing i was happy. so i shld be happy too, knowing that you are and have gone happily.

i never got to witness the last days, but i can only wish for you a much happier beginning wherever you are.

and i will think of you, miss you, and remember the tiny moments for what they are.

but right now, i will cry and grieve, because i’ve lost someone close to my heart, someone who never stopped thinking and caring for me all these years, someone who watched me grow, someone who knew my heart well for what it was worth.

i dont know how late this comes, but thank you for all you did, and i miss you already.


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