December 13, 2009

these days, my nights are often littered with dreams of a recurrent theme. of the parents, of the spa, of happiness which ends in general unhappiness. they often end with me dissolved into tears, and stunned from the unpleasantness only a freshly vivid recollection can bring about.

there must have been a trigger, which i’m unsure about. there must be a cause, to which the trigger can act upon. there must be a reason to all these dreams, unfounded fears and insecurities of a distant past, rearing their ugly heads once more in the present future.

what is it that is really causing such suppressed anguish?

somehow, i never seem to be able to get to the root of the reason cos i’d turn to you and the generous reassurance is like the lucky charm that keeps the negativity at bay, time after time after time after time. even as we deny the existence of god, i still thank whoever it is up there for you.


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