July 26, 2017

This whole ldr thing – I think it has to mean something. I think it was meant to teach me over and over again, how to deal with loss. How to cope and realise that people leaving me doesnt mean that they dont love me anymore. I’m still struggling to truly process this

June 25, 2017

That time when I told him about the new job and he said thats a big score for both of us!

Today when he called back after I complained he was distracted at a party and said I found a spot and you have my full attention but I only have 30% battery. Zzzzz and lollllllll

daily >3

June 19, 2017

  1. good first day albeit info overload
  2. did not get to snack at all
  3. managed to knock off at 530
  4. managed to bump into lana otw to alter pro
  5. packing my pretty stationery to use at work

June 18, 2017

Maybe the thing is that I always feel I have to compete with something (thankfully not someone) for your attention- phone, some email, etc. Perhaps I’m just not interesting enough.

Quote

June 18, 2017

“No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice.”

I choose to work. I choose to love.

daily >3

June 17, 2017

  1. good week with g, albeit teary. his tiny gestures, like willingness to apologise, cutting me more of his fish cos i was still hungry, putting aside his shitty feelings to reassure me. fab korean soup and revisiting red lobster.
  2. things that seem to be working out and flowing into place
  3. refund for airbnb
  4. didnt spend all my usd

June 15, 2017

The fact is I don’t want you to work in us. Cos I’m gonna be in Singapore, it’s a pretty good job and I want you to be around. The fact is I’m selfish and I haven’t surrendered to the universe the fate of our relationship. It seems so much easier to surrender stuff like career, money. The fact is I’m not sure I have the patience Nor emotional energy to be supportive that you need. The fact is I think I’ve tried my part in maintaining a relationship to the kind of intimacy connectedness I think it should be at, but I’m not sure if you have the energy to do so. The fact is, I think we will drift apart. The fact is I’m scared but I can’t tell you. The fact is I don’t even want to go away but I have to. That’s facts from my world, I cannot change things no matter how hard I try. I have to learn patience and believe me I am trying.

June 6, 2017

today i felt an unusual bubble of joy as i was stretching out after dance. it was so quiet, yet so assured in its appearance. pure happiness.

May 19, 2017

i am ever so blessed. that i landed the job, got an offer higher that i wanted, in a bigger firm, in the industry i wanted to go back to.

i am really blessed. someone took over that dratted project last minute, i can leave a day earlier, i can fly off and see g soon.

i am extremely blessed. and very very grateful for all those blessings, every day, every moment.

May 12, 2017

My greatest fear I think is if you had someone else you felt more emotionally connected to than you were to me.

Physical betrayal is hard to deal with but I think the emotional one is harder to deal with. That you could trust someone and confide in them more. Sexting, texting, office bffs you name it. Sharing little secrets you’d find uncomfortable if your other half found out. Wanting to chat more with them than your other half.

So hard.