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holiday.

I’m not exactly sure why i like langkawi.

its the 3rd visit to the same place, each with a very different feeling, each a story on its own.

the 1st visit was through the fresh lenses of a new explorer, with all the excitement in the world. i remember the laughs, the marvelling, but i also remember the sour note it ended on, much to my disappointment. that aside,i remember this place as a pretty nice place to visit, even asthe exact memories are but a blur, a very hazy distant past.

the 2nd trip here was a relief, the respite i needed, a hideaway to nurse some wounds. the memories are more vivid, naturally so, since it wasntthat long ago yi and i stepped foot here. it was calming, being with a confidante and with evryone else, every ounce of bitterness,jealousy, left far far behind. i still remember sitting with mich the night before at west coast macs (thank you =0p) and i remember all the talks yi and i had. i remember throwing up all my nasi kandar and yiyi takingcare of me (10q yiyijiejie). it was a good trip.

this one i’m on marks the 3rd time i’ve set foot in langkawi, and its been reflective, though not with the same heavy heartedness of the 2nd. bonton rocks btw, both restaurant and room. as i type, i hear the unexpected sounds of pink martini and Hang on Little Tomato. (how aptly quaint!) and a kitten has jumped on my lap, refusing to l;et me type til i scratch her. i tink a consolidated post on langkawi may soon be in order.

maybe its the magic of ths place. maybe its the lush greens covering the vast mountain ranges. maybe its the sapphire crystal waters of the Andaman. maybe its the diversely unique flora and fauna of the mangroves. maybe its the eagles who really swop down the padi fields to catch mice. maybe its the benign nature of everything and every creature around here. maybe its a buffer, cushioning everyone from reality. maybe, just maybe.

i just really really wish you were here too.

ok.

here goes.

*clears throat*

me, moi, i, is gonna be part of chingay 2010.

you’ve been warned.

and you know i’d go (almost) anywhere with you. i cherish every bit of time we spend together.

chimeric.

these days, my nights are often littered with dreams of a recurrent theme. of the parents, of the spa, of happiness which ends in general unhappiness. they often end with me dissolved into tears, and stunned from the unpleasantness only a freshly vivid recollection can bring about.

there must have been a trigger, which i’m unsure about. there must be a cause, to which the trigger can act upon. there must be a reason to all these dreams, unfounded fears and insecurities of a distant past, rearing their ugly heads once more in the present future.

what is it that is really causing such suppressed anguish?

somehow, i never seem to be able to get to the root of the reason cos i’d turn to you and the generous reassurance is like the lucky charm that keeps the negativity at bay, time after time after time after time. even as we deny the existence of god, i still thank whoever it is up there for you.

青蛙。

last night, while walking back to the car, our paths crossed that of a frog, to which i exclaimed how small it was.

this morning, i thought of how micro things could get at the spa/tuition and thought how lucky that frog was not to be the 井底之蛙 i fear i’m slowly evolving into.

perhaps, it is not ambition, nor gratification but a certain kind of worldliness that is needed.

–
meanwhile, i’m wondering if someone can pls explain to me why there is erp from 1200nn to 1205pm?

rainy day away.

and so here we are. =0)

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i think one of the nicest ways of waking up is to a sweet good morning msg, and the sight of your half-awake mother coming into your room to make sure your curtains are fully drawn.

i <3 food.

some of my new food craves include

- ham egg & cheese sandwich at the spa

- starbucks green tea frappe with expresso chips

- koi oolong nai with pearls

- subway cookies

- my mummy’s carrot cake smothered with apple, tomato & passionfruit jam (my invention)

- jap fried rice

- barcook’s raisin cream bun

- salty tao huay from Yong he

post marathon and i’m feeling indulgent! tsk tsk……